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11.12.13 Random Anniversary Thoughts

Last week was a shit storm of unpleasantness for me.  For the last week it seems, I have fought back tears and sadness.  Silly things such as a looney ex-husband, rudeness, rejection and the death of a friend's husband; they all seemed to pile up on me like the autumn leaves in my back yard....or cow shit out in a pasture...they just kept piling up!
Perhaps also tucked in the back of my mind were the memories of the beautiful wedding weekend that Rick and I shared two years ago today.  I shared on my blog, Marital Status: W last year, how I have always been fascinated with the unique sequencing of numbers on a calendar...weird, I know.  Special dates that will never occur again.  Rick and I had teased each other when trying to select such a numerical sequence for our wedding day.  Today the uniqueness of 11/12/13, for some silly reason even brought tears to my eyes.  What a cool date...Rick would have liked it, just as I do.
It is almost unimaginable that it has been two years.  Simply stated, where has the time gone?  Lately, I have been hard on myself.  Incredibly frustrated that I haven't yet found a soft place to land; a place where I can say I belong.  I tell myself that I have wasted so much time, yet disregard the fact that I busied myself and successfully completed my course work in nutrition therapy.  I have discovered a new passion for writing and have contributed to a newspaper column for over a year now.  I am an active care giver and cheerleader for the seniors in my family.  I have endured never ending rejection over the last year, as I have sent out countless resumes and applications in search of a new career.  Nonetheless, I have continued to plug along; always with the hope of finding a path that will lead me back to happiness.    
I hold onto the hope of helping others to understand the importance of better health through better nutrition.  It was something that Rick had hoped to share if he won the cruel battle with cancer.  I have the tools and the knowledge, now all I need is the courage and fortitude to make it happen. 
I remember a conversation with my physician somewhere along this journey of mine, when she cheerfully said..."Just think, you have the chance to re-invent start all over.  Not everyone gets that chance."  Are you shitting me?  I have started over so many times in my lifetime, that I have grown weary of the mere thought of another new beginning.  I was touched recently when my father (who doesn't often share praise or encouragement) said, "One of these days sweetie, you are going to get a home run".

Starting over requires creativity and enthusiasm...this gal better get a home run soon!  I'm talking the kind of home run where the ball sails completely out of the park!  The only thing that I know to do is to keep marching forward; to keep swinging the bat.  Someday, somehow everything is going to be OK.  Batter up!

Sidenote...When I am stressed or depressed, I head to the kitchen.  Over the last week I have whirled together some great recipes to share with you...get ready!


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